I’ve been single now for over 35 years.
And the truth is… I didn’t plan it that way. It just kind of happened.
There wasn’t a moment where I sat down and decided, “This is how I want my life to go.” It was quieter than that. Looking back, it feels more like something I drifted into over time than something I chose.
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What My Marriage Was Really Like
If I had to describe my marriage back then, I’d say this:
It was pretty mundane… but I was happy and content.
We both worked. We had a child. Most days looked the same:
Go to work.
Pick up the kid.
Come home.
Have dinner.
Watch TV.
Do it all again the next day.
I was also going to school at the time, so a lot of life felt like just trying to keep everything moving.
On weekends, it was errands, going to the mall, just everyday things. I remember spending a lot of time standing around while she shopped, holding a purse, waiting. At the time, I didn’t think much about it.
It was just life.
And that’s probably the part that stayed with me the most.
There wasn’t anything that made me think something was wrong.
I didn’t see the end coming.
What I Thought Then… vs What I Know Now
Back then, I thought a normal life meant everything was fine.
No big fights. No major problems. Just routine.
That felt like success.
But looking back now, I see it differently.
Just because things aren’t bad… doesn’t mean they’re working.
There’s a difference between:
- living side by side
- and actually being connected
That’s something I didn’t understand at the time.
And I think a lot of people don’t.
The Moment Everything Changed
I can still picture it pretty clearly.
We were standing in the kitchen.
I don’t remember everything that led up to it, but I remember exactly where we were. And she told me she didn’t love me anymore… and that I needed to leave.
And that was it.
One moment things felt normal… and the next they weren’t.
I ended up going to stay at my mom’s house, trying to make sense of it.
And if I’m being honest, I never really got a clear answer.
Even now, all these years later, I still don’t fully understand why it happened.
And that used to bother me more than it does now.
Because people want answers.
They want something they can point to and say, “That’s why.”
But sometimes…
You don’t get that.
What I Realized Over Time
Over the years, I’ve come to look at it a little differently.
I gave everything I knew how to give at the time.
I wasn’t holding back. I wasn’t trying to do anything wrong.
I just didn’t know very much.
I didn’t understand communication the way I do now.
I didn’t understand how easy it is to drift apart.
I didn’t understand how important it is to stay connected—even when life feels routine.
I thought we were doing what married people are supposed to do.
And maybe we were.
But I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
I Tried Again
Later on, I did have another relationship.
It lasted over five years, and I cared deeply about that person.
At the time, I thought maybe this was how things were going to work out.
But it didn’t.
And when that ended, something in me shifted.
Not all at once. Not dramatically.
Just… slowly.
I Didn’t Decide to Stay Single
This is the part people don’t always understand.
I didn’t make a decision to stay single.
I just stopped trying.
And the longer I went without being in a relationship, the more normal it felt.
Eventually, it didn’t feel like something I was missing…
It just felt like my life.
Being Alone vs Feeling Lonely
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
I’ve experienced both.
But they’re not the same thing.
Loneliness usually comes from wanting something different than what you have.
Being alone is just a situation.
Over time, I stopped fighting it.
And once I stopped fighting it…
It changed.
Being alone didn’t feel like something was missing anymore.
It started to feel like peace.
Not Everyone Is Comfortable Being Alone
Over the years, I’ve noticed something.
There are a lot of people who really don’t like being alone.
They don’t go places by themselves.
They don’t travel alone.
They don’t even like doing everyday things alone.
And I’m not saying that’s right or wrong.
It’s just different.
Because for me…
Being alone became normal.
And eventually, it became something I preferred.
Learning to Live a Simple Life
I think a lot of this ties into something else I’ve talked about before—living a simpler life in retirement.
👉 What a Simple Retirement Actually Looks Like Day to Day
It’s not always exciting.
It’s not filled with constant activity.
But it’s steady.
It’s calm.
And in a lot of ways, that’s what makes it work.
I’ve also found that when you let go of needing more—more activity, more noise, more everything—you start to appreciate what you already have.
👉 Why Less Really Does Feel Like More After Retirement
And being alone fits into that in a way I never expected.
If You’re Going Through This
If you’re in a place right now where you’re alone…
Or maybe wondering what your life is going to look like…
I’ll tell you this:
It might not look the way you planned.
Mine didn’t.
But that doesn’t mean it can’t still be a good life.
It just might be a different kind of life than you expected.
Would I Ever Go Back?
If I’m being honest…
Maybe.
But it would have to be the right situation.
Because at this point, starting over from the beginning of a relationship feels like a lot.
I’ve joked before…
If I could skip the first six months, I might consider it.
But going through all of that again?
I don’t know.
Final Thought
I didn’t plan this life.
I didn’t set out to be single for decades.
But somewhere along the way…
It started to fit.
And at this point…
I’m okay with that.
☕ Coffee Club
If you enjoy these kinds of honest, real-life reflections, that’s exactly what I share in the Coffee Club.
👉 https://buymeacoffee.com/retiredandtrying