Your cart is currently empty!
When I first retired, I had a picture-perfect image in my mind. I’d wake up without an alarm, sip my morning coffee on the porch, and enjoy the peaceful sound of absolutely nothing. No meetings. No deadlines. No bosses asking for “just one more thing.”
Retirement was supposed to be the reward after decades of hard work — the time to finally relax. But here’s what no one tells you: doing nothing is surprisingly exhausting.
You start out strong. You make a list of all the things you’ll finally have time to do — clean the garage, organize photos, learn guitar, or maybe write that book. Then you sit down “just for a minute,” and the next thing you know, it’s lunchtime. You tell yourself, “I’ll get to it after I eat,” but somehow that turns into “maybe tomorrow.”
Doing nothing, as it turns out, requires serious endurance.
The Myth of Endless Free Time
Before retirement, everyone makes it sound like you’ll have more time than you know what to do with. People say, “You’ll be bored!” or “You’ll finally be able to do whatever you want!”
What they don’t tell you is that time doesn’t feel the same anymore. The days move faster, not slower. One moment it’s Monday morning, and before you know it, the week has vanished — and you’re wondering if you actually accomplished anything.
Coffee dates, doctor appointments, grandkids’ soccer games, neighborhood cookouts — they sneak into your calendar one by one. And suddenly your “open schedule” looks like a part-time job with no paycheck.
That’s why when people ask, “What do you do all day?” I laugh and say, “Honestly, I’m not sure, but it takes up all my time.”
A Typical Day of Doing Nothing
Let’s walk through a standard day in the life of a retiree:
- 7:30 AM: Wake up naturally (which sounds relaxing until you realize your back hurts from sleeping in).
- 8:00 AM: Make coffee and spend 45 minutes trying to remember where you put the remote.
- 9:30 AM: Watch the news and yell at the TV.
- 10:15 AM: Think about taking a walk, but the couch looks more inviting.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. You earned it.
- 1:00 PM: Accidentally fall asleep watching a documentary you didn’t mean to start.
- 3:30 PM: Decide to “get something done,” but first, check the mail.
- 4:00 PM: The mail reminds you of a bill you forgot to pay, which leads to an hour of online banking confusion.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner — and the feeling you deserve a medal for surviving another busy day of “nothing.”
By the end of it, you’re somehow tired, even though the Fitbit swears you took fewer than 1,200 steps. That’s retirement energy efficiency at its finest.
Finding Purpose in the Pause
The real secret of retirement isn’t about learning how to do less — it’s about discovering what matters most now.
After years of being productive for someone else, retirement gives you permission to be productive for yourself. Whether it’s gardening, woodworking, volunteering, or starting a side hustle, purpose looks different now.
For me, it became creating content and products that make people laugh about the same stage of life I’m in. That’s how the Retired. Doing Nothing Is Exhausting. T-shirt was born — out of a moment of self-awareness and coffee-fueled humor.
Every time I wear it, someone smiles or says, “That’s exactly how I feel!” It’s a reminder that laughter connects us — especially in this stage of life when we need it most.
How Retirement Humor Keeps Us Sane
Humor is more than just entertainment; it’s therapy for the retired soul.
When you can laugh at yourself for taking two naps in one day, or for forgetting what day it is (again), it lightens the load. Retirement humor turns frustration into laughter — and that’s the kind of medicine we can all afford.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Laugh at the little things — like trying to set up your new phone and realizing you need your reading glasses to find your reading glasses.
- Share the jokes. When you laugh about retirement online or with friends, you make others feel less alone.
- Don’t take “doing nothing” too seriously. You’ve worked hard for decades. If your body says it’s nap time, that’s just wisdom disguised as fatigue.
Retirement humor reminds us that we don’t have to figure it all out. We just have to enjoy the ride — even if it’s at a slower speed.
The Ironic Truth
The older I get, the more I realize that doing nothing is a form of doing something — it’s called recharging. After years of working nonstop, your body and mind are simply catching up.
So next time someone asks, “What did you do today?” smile and say, “I worked on my relaxation skills.”
Because here’s the truth: you’ve earned this pace. And if doing nothing wears you out, that just means you’re doing retirement right.
Final Thought
Don’t feel guilty for slowing down. Don’t worry if your to-do list never ends. Retirement isn’t a race — it’s a reward.
Enjoy the quiet mornings, the long coffee breaks, and the freedom to take a nap just because you can. And most importantly — keep your sense of humor alive.
Doing nothing might be exhausting, but it’s also a privilege. You’ve earned the right to rest, recharge, and laugh your way through it.
And if you need a reminder, wear it proudly:
👉 Retired. Doing Nothing Is Exhausting.
Because sometimes, the funniest truths are the ones we’re living every day.
If you’re in the mood for more laughs, check out “Retirees Share Their Funniest Stories” right here on Retired and Trying.